There’s a very real lack of knowledge about the reality of stay-at-home moms. The depression that comes with staying home all day to take care of your family is hardly noticed or talked about.
Overcoming depression as a stay at home mum starts with taking a concise decision to be in charge of your general well being.
Just as the pain and body changes that come with pregnancy goes unnoticed at the cry of the baby, so is the pain and depression of stay at home moms swept under the carpet.
It is not out of place to ask what is stay at home mom depression, what causes and how to overcome it. This article explains in clear terms the triggers, symptoms and preventive measures of stay at home mums depression.
What is Stay at Home Mom Depression?
Simply put, stay-at-home mom depression is that state of a persistent feeling of sadness, low mood, failure, anger, loss of interest, lack of self-esteem and motivation, which affects the typical daily life of a full-time mom.
While carrying out the vast task of nursing and raising children, at the same time running a household, some “housewives” as they are commonly called, lose their sanity so to speak.
This depression of stay at home moms are resultant effects of the pains, anxieties, fears, and feeling of inadequacy that comes with being a house wife. Especially in Africa, where this full time job is barely appreciated or considered important at all.
What Causes SAHM Depression?
Causes of SAHM depression is quite a long list. Depending on individual, locality and their reality, quite a number of factors can drive a stay at home mum into depression.
However, one notable cause of this type of depression is lack of appreciation, lack of finance among others.
Other things that can trigger SAHM depression include upsetting or stressful changes (bereavement, divorce, job loss, money worries), isolation, loss of purpose and identity, and criticism.
I had my first Stay-at-home mom depression experience after I had my little princess during the Covid -19 pandemic lockdown and the jobs I had applied for, didn’t come through.
It was a big change for me. The transition to motherhood without a job or a source of income.
I began to wake each day to the same monotonous domestic chores without pay.
As a first-time mom and an African, we had plans that my mom would come for the traditional ‘Omugwo’ visit. Basically, this visit allows new moms to get enough rest while their mothers assist in taking care of the baby and other house chores.
But Covid -19 happened and all plans were shattered.
Did I mention that I had my princess through a Caesarean Section? Yes!
It’s was just hubby and I doing our thing. No help whatsoever from anywhere.
I had to bathe the baby, do her laundry every day, (hubby helped out often times and did the cooking all through the Omugwo period), just about any house chore you can think of and still nurse the baby. The sleepless nights too. Phew!
The experience was tasking and overwhelming.
Then the incision site got infected, the stitches were tearing apart and refused to heal. I kept dressing it every two days for over five months.
The hole it dug into our pockets, the pain on the incision site, the regular visits to the hospital for dressing, the whole stress and the fact that I desperately needed a job even if it was virtual, all caused me depression.
I wanted something different from the everyday norm.
At the end of every single day, I suffered exhaustion of the mind and body. I lost appetite and started having feelings of inadequacy.
Often times I just broke down and cried my eyes out and hubby will keep consoling me.
One fateful day, I was sharing my struggles with a friend over the phone, who was also nursing a baby almost about my baby’s age.
I found out that she was passing through the same thing. We cried together, encouraged each other and prayed and we both felt better.
It made me know that I was not alone on that journey. Now imagine for a second I didn’t get all the support I needed from my husband?
But like I mentioned earlier, so many things could be a trigger for stay-at-home mom depression.
Triggers for Stay at Home Depression
Signs of SAHM Depression
Irrespective of what caused your depression, the signs of depression are usually the same. Basically, you may never understand how depressed you are till you pay attention to your emotions.
When your emotions constantly suffer, you are bound to have a hopeless disposition to life, your existence as a mum and your personality. You must pay attention to times when you feel totally inadequate, undeserving, always angry, and self pity.
I starting digging to know how we can overcome this menace not often talked about, yet eating up so many stay-at-home moms.
Other signs of stay at home mom depression include:
Five Steps to Overcome Stay at Home Mum Depression
#1. Seek Help
Virtually everyone has one or two things that constantly motivates them. At times when you feel so low or lose interest in life, seeking help surely helps.
Help could come from a plethora of things especially spiritual connection. If you are a Christian, looking up to God, the author and finisher of your faith does have a way of rekindling the desire to live again. Simply ask God to help you overcome the pain, rejection you feel as a stay at home mum at the moment.
Although it works, you must first have to believe.
#2. Create a Perfect Me- Time
Clearly, you barely have time for yourself after you plunge your energy into taking care of your partner and kids. When you are not being appreciated or talked down on, SAHM depression could set in.
Well, if you fail to take care of yourself, you will surely feel worst when depression sets in as a stay at home mum. One proven way to overcome depression as a stay at home mom is to create a me-time.
You need to take care of you, so you can take care of others. Depending on your schedule, find the perfect 5 to 15 mins to “do you” everyday. This could extend to hours or even a day, if you can get the help you need to rejuvenate daily or weekly.
#3. Join a Community of Stay at Home Moms
When I first experienced depression as a stay at home mom, I drew strength from the experiences of other mums like me.
So, join a community of stay-at-home moms or a maternal mental health group. It helps reduce the effect of isolation and boredom on stay-at-home moms.
You are allowed to be open and communicate your feelings and struggles and other moms will encourage you. It helped me a lot!
#4. Practice Effective Planning
Ninety percent of the stress you may feel as a stay at home mom is as a result of an unplanned day. To escape this, work with a schedule. A schedule helps you to avoid working all day and achieving day.
Taking care of the home front is enormous and energy-sapping. One way to avoid being drained is by planning each day.
Also, you must consider outsourcing and getting as much help as you can. No one gets a trophy for dying while suffering.
Personally, I ask for assistance from anyone around me at any given time. I don’t want to die a “superwoman”.
#5. Get to Love your Job
Just as seeing your baby after birth made you forget all the pains you experienced during labour, geting to love your job as a stay at home mom surely helps.
While some people may think you are not doing enough by staying home to take care of your child and partner, you need to understand that being a stay at home mum is a full-time job no one pays you for.
To overcome depression as a SAHM, you must avoid self piety and convince yourself that you are doing just fine. Investing your time and energy into raising kids you can be proud of should be your goal and source of encouragement.
So, merge your lovely job with other activities you love doing as a person. Trust me, depression will sure become a far cry.
So early this year, I rekindled that love by registering for a Digital Marketing training course.
Now I take out a little time every day to surf the internet and learn as much as I can on writing. It makes me satisfied at the end of the day that I’m improving on myself and it makes me fulfilled.
Stay-at-home mom depression is real and should be frequently talked about. But because of the stigma of being called lazy or ungrateful, a lot of moms choose to be silent about it.
As a care giver who is always around your kids, you need the right mental state to give your family the best. You can follow some of the steps mentioned above and other ones that works for you.
I also want to add that you should sleep when you can to avoid exhaustion and work on your self and mindset. Don’t expect too much from family, friends and loved ones but seek help anyways.
Then it’s very necessary to sort out your daily routine. Yes it is! It saves you a whole lot of stress.
Whatever is the cause of the SAHM depression you are going through, please pray about it.
Finally, take each day as it comes. Don’t overload yourself with worries. Some things will take care of themselves.
How Do I find Happiness in Life?
Happiness is a choice everyone should make, yet, many people are still struggling with how to find happiness in life. Basically, happiness in life totally depends on your output towards life despite the circumstances surrounding you. Whether, you are depressed, feeling lost, or totally at loss with what to do in life, this article on how to find happiness in life is all you need.
A lot of factors in life may cause you to lose your happiness in life if you are not careful. Boredom, fatigue, loss of a close one and a number of other activities may cause you to start being unhappy. In fact, being a citizen of an under developed country is enough reason for you to break down and lose your joy.
The honest truth about being happy is that it is a choice only you can make. Life is actually tough and only the tough ones find a reason to remain happy in this disturbing world.
I have been totally unhappy for two good years. I lost my Joy and just wanted to leave planet earth. One amazing fact about embarking on a journey is that you can learn to teach others. This article will narrate a personal account of what caused my unhappiness, how it all started and how I finally became happy.
What causes Unhappiness in Life?
Most people become unhappy when their expectations are not met. These expectations can either be created for by you or by external factors.
Ninety percent of the factors that will create unhappiness in your life will be caused by you. So, you need to take care and avoid creating an unhealthy environment that arouses a sad feeling. A major cause of unhappiness in your life will be caused by how you decide to react to life.
Hello dear, life will throw obstacles at one point or the other, your happiness should not be tied to any of the issues of life. You must gird up your loins and choose to live all your days in total happiness. You will get rejected sometimes, someone you truly love may leave you by yourself on earth and your expectations may not be met always.
My unhappiness was caused by living in Nigeria.
How Do I Find Happiness?
The big bang question is usually how do I find happiness. Listen, the first way to find happiness is to make a choice to remain happy no matter what life throws at you. Seeing a psychologist is great, enrolling for therapy is outright important. But the truth remains nobody will be happy for you. It is important you take that decision to become happy first.
This decision will allow the next steps to find happiness to become effective. To find happiness, hey, choose happiness and stick to it. Other ways to find happiness include:
Find The Best Version of Yourself
Truly, becoming the best version of yourself is the best way to find happiness in life. First, find what makes you who you are. What interests you must sustain your happiness. How can you even find happiness when you don’t know what makes you happy.
It is important you list out what makes you happy. This should cover your values, what you love doing, what you live for, and what defines you at your best. If these list doesn’t make you happy, then you need to revisit.
In summary, create a list of your happy self. Identify what is missing and how to make it work perfectly. However, remember that what makes you happy is now what is on the list rather than your effort towards what you have written down.
For instance, if your happy self is a woman who can afford whatever she wants, first, put it down on your list. Nothing is outrageous, whatever makes you happy write it down. On the next slide, list out how to achieve all the items on your list.
Be calm, take it slowly and enjoy the moment of creating the best version of yourself.
Employ these Behavioral Habits
There are a couple of other things you can do to find happiness in your self. Psychologists recommend that to maintain your mental health and continuously be happy do the following:
- You should expect less from people.
- Do only things that make you happy especially what you do to earn money.
- Live for the moment, enjoy every bit of your day.
- Be Sociable, meet people, and attend events.
- Choose to be positive towards life.
- Stop worrying just keep living happily
Try all these to find true happiness in life. Take a vital and consistent step towards retaining your happiness and you can find all you need in this free Ebook.
How to be a Happy Stay at Home Mom in Life
Staying happy in life is a conscious effort and a sole decision you must take. It sounds outrightly a difficult task but these practical ways to stay happy in life will make it easier for you.
There is no one thing as being happy or sad. Both happiness and sadness is a state of the mind and you have to decide what to think at each point. If you constantly consider your self unhappy, then, you will always dwell your thoughts on unhappiness.
However, if you already consider yourself unhappy, then you should read this post on How to Stay happy in life is basically for people who have experienced what it takes feels like to be happy. They are not willing to give up the serenity and tranquility that comes with feeling happy.
Does this mean only good things happen to them and around them? No, it simply means they are constantly making a conscious effort to be happy. Below are 10 practical ways to stay happy in life either as a student, mom, health worker or even in a loveless marriage:
- Exercise Often
- Entertain only positive thoughts
- Do what makes you happy
- Find your experiences more interesting than your possessions
- Make a list of a couple of things that make you smile
- Practice Mindfulness
- Get enough sleep
- Help others
- Stay clean
- Find time to define the life you want.
How to be a Happy Stay At Home Mom?
The stress that comes with being a mom is a beautiful ugly experience. It is beautiful enough that all you can see is the beauty and glamorous look of your child or children. However, the ugly part lies in your inability to cope with bodily and emotional changes that accompanies birthing a child.
To be a happy stay at home mom, you must first find happiness in life. And make a conscious effort to remain happy first as a mom and then, as a stay at home mom.
A stay at home mom doesn’t make you dull, incapacitated or lazy. First, erase perfection from your memory. There is no perfect mom anywhere but you can always be the best mom to your children.
To stay happy as a stay at home mom, it is important to draw up a list of all that threatens your happiness. Get a jotter or your parenting book, from numbers 1 to 10 write out all events, scenes, and activities that made you unhappy.
Well, this is what my list looks like, it may not reflect yours but, you should get an idea of what made you sad.
- Early this morning, my husband called me fat. It made me so unhappy.
- My babies wanted a cup of ice cream but I couldn’t afford it.
- I saw two beautiful clothes but they were so expensive
- My husband called me lazy because I asked him for some cash.
- I woke up really late today, my kids were so late for their classes.
Practically studying this list above, it is glaring that I seem unhappy as a stay at home mom because I am gaining a lot of weight, I have no job, hence, no money to take care of my daily expenses, I appear lazy to my husband because I don’t make mone despite all the house chores I do and I am struggling with Financial management.
In summary, most stays at home moms appears unhappy because of lack of finances, poor time management, emotional stress, and physical stress. The gospel truth remains, you may never take note of the cause of your unhappiness if you fail to write them down.
To be a Happy stay at Home Mom, do the following:
Manage your time Properly
There is nothing as limiting as your mind. The thought of the fact that you have all day at home will rather make you lazy than smart. A realistic fact about this is that you will procrastinate and end up with doing nothing or little all day. Being a stay at home should not make you lazy and a practical way to avoid laziness is to learn how to manage your time properly.
Prioritize your daily activities to avoid feeling inadequate and unproductive at the end of the day. Your to-do list must include exercising, taking care of yourself, making some cool cash, taking care of your children and spouse and finally being a mom which includes dealing with the house chores and cooking for your family.
Have a Source of Income
Being a stay home doesn’t necessarily mean you should always be without money or totally be dependent on your spouse. Map out some time on your to do list and dedicate it to making some free cash. Wondering how? Thank Goodness for technological advancement.
In fact, you do not need to step out this days before you can make some extra cash. One of the things that will keep you happy is your ability to take care of your daily needs without support. So, get one dear mom and watch yourself glow. A multiple ways to make money online is to sell stuffs lying around your house occupying space and not being useful on ebay or other marketing platforms. On the contact page, you can contact us to aid you sell of these materials,hulah you have some cash once you get it sold.
You can also, start a blog or a you tube channel. There are so many eCommerce opportunities for you to make money as a stay at Home Mom. Grab one, be diligent and consistent. If you are committed in two weeks or less you should be able to happily tick off everything that makes you unhappy as a stay at home mom on your list.
Have an Exercise Routine
Yes, running around the house trying to fix things is a form of exercise. However, how much calories are you gaining everyday and how much do you loose doing all that stuff? If you don’t love to be called fat, well, whether you are called fat or not you know exactly when you are gaining extra weight, burn it.
Create an exercise routine that best works for you, watch your diet and take some healthy products to aid your weightloss journey. With these practical ways to stay happy as a stay at home mom, you will have enough energy and time to take care of your spouse and children.
5 Ways to have a Perfect “Me Time”.
Working so hard can be productive yet sickly. Finding a little time each day for yourself is quite rejuvenating.
The me-time is a relaxation every one should get. It doesn’t have to be all day but can be worthwhile.
The perfect me-time aids you to relax, and recharge for the next tasks ahead. Depending on the kind of job you do, a me time could come intermittently between your daily, weekly, or monthly schedule.
If you don’t have this added to schedule already, it can be tasking deciding on what to do during this period. Well, this article proffers 5 possible ways to have a perfect me time.
What is a Perfect Me Time?
According to collins dictionary, me time is a period a person has to himself or herself in which to do something for fun and enjoyment.
A perfect me-time is mapping out selfish ozone for some minutes, hours, or days. It refers to a time a person decides to do something else other than work, take care of a family or fix the home.
A perfect me-time is one that rejuvenates, resuscitates, and recharges your energy level. It is a selfish time that gives you the strength to become selfless for the rest of your day, week, or month.
Who Needs a Me-Time?
Everyone needs a me-time. Whether you work, stay at home mom, or simply a business owner – a perfect me-time keeps you going.
A me-time is specifically for people who spend most of their day taking care of others. For instance, being a mom entails waking up early each day, fixing the children’s breakfast, ensuring they are in school at the right time, etc.
This personally is a full-time job yet you may juggle this with work, events, and wifely roles. You need a me-time as much as the young banker who works an 8-5 job daily.
Also, catering to a family, and worrying about business as a father or breadwinner is one hectic task. To avoid total break down – you need a perfect me-time.
Socially, psychologically and even emotionally, it takes you to take care of yourself to take care of others. So, create that selfish time for yourself. It gives you the strength you need to go selfless for days.
Students who attend lectures every day and trying to keep tabs with friends and family? Go get your me-time, please? The underlying truth with not creating a perfect me time for yourself is a total break down. And, trust me – that’s worst.
What Can I Do For My Me-Time?
Simple, do what makes you happy. It is your me time – you set the rules. However, you may have to consider your religious inclinations and social affiliations in having a perfect me time.
Ski-dive, jog, run, read a book, see a movie, taking a skin-care routine – just about anything that relaxes your nerves. Below are some ideas to inspire you
5 Ways to Have a Perfect Me-Time
Honestly, a lot of people create a me-time and end up living for others too. You know what they say about a date “three is a crowd?”
Well, for a perfect me-time -“two is a crowd.” It’s called a me-time for a reason. So, let it be so for you.
Below are 5 ways to achieve a perfect me-time in 2021
#5. Be Selfish
Whatever you choose to do within the period – be selfish. Let it be about you. Let’s say there are 24 hours in a day, you spend 23 hours living for other ! Let your me-time be about you and you alone.
This can not be overemphasized. If it is a min or an hour – let it be for you. Do what interest you and you alone.
#4. Plan Towards Your Time
An organized life will sure save you enough time to have the perfect me-time. For instance, if you have a husband, or wife, or children to attend to, you must plan towards your me-time.
Remember a me-time is supposed to help you serve yourself to serve others better. So, get things in place before your chosen time. Basically, you should choose a time when the family may need less of your attention.
For example, school and work hours seem the perfect time for a stay at home mum to create a perfect me time. While your kids are in school and partner at work, you can do what you love to do the way you love to do it.
So, choose the perfect time for you.
#3. Choose the best location
Well, time and finance may pose as a constraint. But, you can always improvise. If you want to enjoy your me-time, choose the best location.
For instance, if you spend your day in a noisy environment, such an environment is not the best for your perfect me-time.
If you plan to see a movie and you can’t afford a cinema fee at the moment, hey bring the cinema home.
Wait, how do you love your movies? Recreate it just the way you love it. Use what you have to get what you want.
One time, I wanted to see a movie, but I didn’t have extra cash to throw around, I designed my own cinema fam.
So, I logged into my Netflix account on my laptop. I put on my projector and placed it on a white background. Trust me, I had my speaker magnifying the sounds while I curled up in my white sheets with a pack of popcorn.
It’s my me-time. So, I create the rules, the characters, and the directing. You too can. Simply, find the best location or the best to improvise it.
A me-time is only perfect when it helps you unwind. Going through life may attract some baggage knowingly or unknowingly.
This unnecessary baggage could be emotions, pain, frustration, rejection, etc. It’s totally fine you know – no one promised you life is going to be easy.
But a perfect me-time should remind you – “I am still the scriptwriter and director of this life.”
You may never get another chance to live this life. So, make the most of it. Whatever you feel should be dropped even before your me-time.
This explains why you must make your me-time about what you love to do. Do something that could relax your nerves and make you feel better afterward.
People will hurt, misjudge, disappoint, humiliate you as the case may be. But, you can only pamper, love, correct, and live you.
So, unwind and face life. You need to cry – let the tears flow seamlessly. Just don’t leave your me time still battered.
#1. Leave the World Alone
This is very important. How can you have a me-time with the world? It’s a me-time, not a world-time.
You want to hear it – leave technology alone. If you want a perfect me time, go for it without your digital device, especially if you do not need it.
Let’s say the book you want to read is a PDF stored on your phone. It’s fine, but can you just read the book and leave the world? Turn off your chats, notifications, and what have you. Just focus on what makes you happy.
The number 1 way to have a perfect me-time is to detoxify. This time, not your body but technology.
Perfect Me-Time FAQs
What can I do for me-time?
Do what make you happy. Plan towards it and do what makes you feel good.
Take a walk, go shopping, check out a museum, create a new recipe etc.
How much me-time do I need?
You can have a perfect me-time within 5 minutes to 1 hour in a day. A me-time can be as short as 24 hours or month if you need to go for a vacation.
Is it OK to have me-time?
Yes, it is more than ok to have a me-time. It is important and very necessary to create a perfect me-time.
A perfect me-time is not just important. It is very necessary. This article compiles a list of things you can do for your me time and how to make it perfect.
How to Overcome Stay at Home Mum Depression
How Do I find Happiness in Life?
How to be a Happy Stay at Home Mom in Life
5 Ways to have a Perfect “Me Time”.
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